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Announcing the Metasonix TX-2 "Butt Probe"
Press Release
2005-08-02

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It is UP YOUR BUTT. Yee-haw.
Metasonix introduces an all-new effect pedal which is aimed at the "Butt Guitarist" crowd.
Because guitarists deserve, and WANT, some anus-stretching.

The Metasonix TX-2 is entirely made of vacuum tubes. To be specific, three type 4BN6 beam modulator devices. They were intended for use in crummy TV sets as FM detectors, and were NOT meant for audio processing applications. They SUCK. Really, really, badly.

Only METASONIX knows how to apply these strange devices to audio processing. We know how to ream those guitar-sucking buttboys out, real good.

The TX-2 can accept guitar, mic or line-level signals, though it works best with line level. By utilizing the inherent non-linearity of the 4BN6 tubes, the TX-2 offers a broad range of distortion effects. Carefully adjusting the FIST and REAM controls allows the user to vary the screen-grid voltages of the first two tubes--FIST controls the first (input) tube, REAM the second tube in the string.

This changes each tube's gain and distortion behaviour in a very drastic fashion. It can be adjusted from a mild tube-ish warmth, to horrid screaming broken-amp ultra-distortion from HELL.

Instability is inherent in a circuit having this much gain, and the third tube provides an extra way of modulating the distortion. Basically, it is wired as a very bad bandpass filter. Filter center frequency is controlled with a "Vactrol" type optical resistor, and swept continuously with a low-frequency oscillator built into the TX-2. The sweep may be disabled by turning down the SCREW knob or by plugging an unassigned 1/4" plug into the CV IN jack. If the latter is done, the SCREW knob will tune the filter manually, giving a vast range of NAUSEATING tonal effects not obtainable with any of the existing effect pedals on the market.

Wait, we take back the butt-guitarist comment. The TX-2 works best on complete music tracks or drum machines as a remix tool. Screw those damn guitarists.

SPECIAL NOTE: Each TX-2 Butt Probe is HAND-MADE and HAND-PAINTED in Northern California. Because they're HAND-PAINTED, THEY ARE ALL DIFFERENT FROM EACH OTHER. (Each one, a different variety of disgusting.) We have taken to smearing asscreme brown paint and scribbling epithets on them.

As an extra special "feature", the Butt Probe's front panel has offensive cartoons by comic artist Sarah Combs, and its owner manual contains EXTREMELY offensive cartoons by "Retarded Animal Babies" creator Dave Lovelace. Dave's cartoons are so disgusting, we will NOT make them available anywhere else. (He outdid himself.)

SPECIFICATIONS:

Power consumption: 12 volts AC ONLY at 1.0 amps.
Frequency response: plenty. Distortion: damn skippy.
Size: 8x4.5x2.5 inches, weight approx 4 pounds.
Inputs: one mono audio, one control voltage (sweeps filter), both 1/4" TS. Output: STEREO audio, 1/4" TRS.
Output is usually >20 dB hotter than input. Not recommended for use with guitar amp input, suggest line level input.

Anal lubricant is not included.

We feel that the TX-2 BUTTPROBE is far more extreme than the famed Sherman Filterbank, and far more tube-freaky than your mother's enema kit. Face it, butt-probing is a worldwide everyday amusement. It works for you, we can tell. And clearly, Americans LOVE to have their butts probed. Look at the freaks they vote into political power. Proper use of the TX-2 BUTTPROBE can be infinitely more satisfying than watching Tucker Carlson mopping his ass-crack with your girlfriend's hair. Your girlfriend might like it too.

Only 100 pieces of the TX-2 will be made. It's a limited issue. Retail price in USA is $549.

NOTE: a high-resolution photo of the TX-2 Butt Probe is on the Metasonix website at: http://www.metasonix.com/TX2big.jpg

For more information, contact:

METASONIX
PMB 109, 881 11th Street
Lakeport CA 95453 USA
(707) 263-5343
www.metasonix.com
e-mail synth@metasonix.com
dealer list:
http://www.metasonix.com/ordering.htm